And a Merry Christmas to you and yours as well, ma’am.

Tags

i should be fired because, letters, party planning, really?, rude folk, this bitch right here, unsent letters

Dear Psycho Grandmother,

I would like to open with the fact that you, in fact, were not the Psycho Grandmother I was expecting to hear about from our management team this lovely Monday morning.  She was irritating, but you went above and beyond to claim the title.

First, let’s address the fact that you were not the party host, but the party host’s mother.  To feel such indigence when it was not even your “problem” to begin with is astounding.

Second, let’s address the apparent problem: your party room.  Supposedly, I provided to you, in writing, a confirmation that you were booked for Party Room A, though you showed up to find yourself assigned Party Room B.  When pressed for this confirmation, you were unable to provide it.  This is because you were not ever assigned, nor did your daughter ever request Party Room A.  From what I understand, you were given an impromptu tour, which is rude in and of itself, and the Admissions staffer who gave it to you may have neglected to mention Party Room A is one of four we offer.  There was no promise or guarantee of hosting in Party Room A, yet you assumed this because that is the one you saw.  The beauty of setting up an appointment with me to see the rooms is that I show you all of them and confirm their availability for your weekend of interest.

Third, let’s address the incredibly vile way you handled this: by going to the woman booked in Party Room A and informing her that she “ruined your granddaughter’s birthday” by virtue of setting an appointment to tour the rooms, requesting that room, and putting her deposit down on June 6th.  Your daughter, on the other hand, booked on November 21st and did not once mention a room preference.  If she had, she would have learned that Party Room A was booked five months ahead of her.

Fourth, let’s address the fact that you want to have me fired for this.  Is there nothing more Christian than attempting to get someone fired two days before Christmas?  I apologize that you and your daughter did not think to confirm your party room in an entire month of waiting for your date to roll around.  I apologize that another department gave you information that was incorrect.  I apologize for the fact that you felt the need to throw your weight around.  Calling my manager or the owner is not going to do much for you, though.  She is aware of the fact that your daughter was booked for Party Room C initially; with that being used for exhibit programming, I was forced to move you to Party Room B.  Any host booked for Party Room C who requested it was given a phone call.  Your daughter did not receive this phone call as no room preference was stated; if she had, she, again, would have learned that Party Room A was booked five months before she ever called to book.  In fact, the woman rescheduled to that date and time on October 22nd, still quite a bit of time before your daughter reserved her party.

Fifth, let’s address the fact that you were breathing fire and ready to ream me “as soon as [I] got in Monday morning”.  I waited for your call, but found myself leaving your daughter a message at noon.  As I shut down my space for the day at 5 o’clock, I received no email or phone call from either of you addressing this matter.  You will not receive a refund for your lack of foresight and poor communication, though you feel “[having] enough money to book anywhere in the city” entitles you to it.  Please do feel free to book anywhere else in the city next year as blacklisting you was quite an easy decision for us here.

Sixth, your granddaughter only turned three.  I would love to hear what impact having her third birthday party in Party Room B had on her.

In closing, I wish you a Merry Christmas as I know I will still have my job through the new year.

Waiting For Your Call,

That Party Girl

He is not my favorite. At all.

Tags

letters, really?, rude folk, unsent letters

Dear Mr. Important,

You truly are an exceptional host.  I thought my worst was behind me, but you have proven me quite wrong through your astounding lack of consideration and personal responsibility.

Your call Monday to set a due date of “Tuesday through Friday” was a novel experience for me.  I am not sure of any other place in the world that offers your proposed “select your own due date” offer, but we certainly do not.  When I informed you that I would cancel your party if payment was not received by noon today, it was no surprise that your name did not appear on my caller ID until 11:57.  It is not shocking that your invitation packet was “lost in the mail” and that you require another on a moment’s notice, but please know that you could have received it from me personally by simply showing up for the original two tours you scheduled.

Between a forty-five minute wait for you and your party planner to get your lives together for a ten minute tour, your complete disregard for set due dates that you were adequately informed of, and your persistent need to call me despite having nothing to say beyond an excuse, you truly have outdone yourself in your attempt to be the most ungracious host you possibly could be.  How reprehensibly commendable of you?

Please remember your catering due date as late orders need to be approved by our Catering Supervisor. I am hoping not to speak to you until your catering due date in order to maintain the shambled shred of sanity left.

I thank you, though, for making me feel like I am earning the shit out of my vacation.

Best,

That Party Girl

Mr. Important

Tags

letters, parents these days, party planning, really?, rude folk, unsent letters

Good morning Mr. Important,

I received your message indicating an interest in coming for a tour of our party rooms in the next two hours.  I am writing to confirm that you will actually show this time as you stood me up both Tuesday and Thursday of this week, which I cannot afford on my day to prepare for the upcoming weekend’s parties this lovely Friday.  Your no-shows threw off my shopping and kit making schedule, ensuring that I’ll not only start my weekend late, but have to stop back at work during it.  You have commanded three hours of the forty I had this week.  I cannot recall a host in history requiring that much of my time and absolutely wasting it without regard or hesitation.

It truly has been a pleasure coordinating your party.  When you called to indicate interest a few weeks ago, I informed you that the only way to hold a slot was to make a deposit.  The interminably classy gentleman you are, you’ve called me every day since to request a “one day extension” on this hold, citing some issue with the depositing of your check, even going so far as to explain that your company was in the process of switching banks.  Conjuring Gone With The Wind, “frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

If we earn misfortune of your business again next year, please consider calling when you are able to make the deposit instead of checking in as to why you are not.  Your $375 is not worth more than the next person’s $375, but the next person may have the bonus of accountability, a commodity that is quite valuable to a party coordinator.

Please get back to me so that I do not walk over to another building to meet disappointment and irritation instead of you for the third time this week.

Best,

That Party Girl

 

Good afternoon Mr. Important,

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for making an appointment and actually showing up this time.  Even though you were fifteen minutes late, I am elated to get showing you your party room crossed off the list.

Please extend my gratitude to your party planner as well.  Waiting a half hour for her to arrive after your already fashionably late arrival while watching my normal lunch hour get thrown into the wind was truly remarkable.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this treatment, especially compounded with her complaints of being “super busy” as we rode the elevator; none of the rest of us party planners are “super busy” on a Friday, only her.

I understand that some venues do require additional planners, but with all due respect, the customizations you get to make here are both limited and not intellectually challenging.  Additionally, your child is turning two, meaning you’ll be lucky to have her remember a party at all this early on in life.  Further, I assure you, if a fit is thrown, the table covers not quite fitting into her keen aesthetic preferences will not likely be the source of grief.

In summation, I would like to thank you for wasting a considerable portion of an incredibly busy day.  I thought I had a good handle on things, but an impromptu tour that was supposed to start forty-five minutes before it finally did wasn’t on my Post-it note agenda for the day.  Thank you for the wild card.

Warm Regards,

That Party Girl

Inaugural Run

Welcome to Dumb Ass Question Thursday.

“I know we can’t bring in outside food, but -“
I already know I’m in some shit if your sentence starts off with “I read and understand this” and hope to ensure “this” does not apply to you.
“I know we can’t bring in outside food, but can I bring in a candy bar?”
“No.  We do not permit outside food in.”
“Not even if it’s just for decoration?”
So… you’re going to invite 30 kids to a party and have them look at giant jars of candy for an hour without handing a piece out?  I’ll take your word for it.  Buena suerte, honey.

“You can charge the same card you have on file.”
“We do not keep credit cards on file here.”
“Why not?”
“To maintain your privacy and security.”
“That’s stupid.”
I can leave it on a post-it on my bookshelf if you’d prefer.

“It says here we cannot bring in our own food.  Is that correct?”
Nope.  Our website is for entertainment purposes only, not information gathering.
“My son has Celiac disease and it doesn’t look like you guys have a lot of gluten-free options.”
If I had a dime for every kid I’ve encountered with “Celiac disease”, I’d be rich.  I know some people actually suffer from it, but how, pray tell, does one manage to find an entire CLASS of kids with it?
“You are welcome to bring in your own food once you have provided a doctor’s note stating that your child indeed suffers from Celiac.”
“That’s a bit much, isn’t it?”
Every mom that’s genuinely dealing with a child with a food allergy pretty much has one on hand, ready for that battle, and you are only making it more difficult for them.  In fact, you’ve created it for them by trying to cheat.  Ass.

Email submission: “I used to work there (over five years ago).  Can I still get my employee discount on a party?”

“What colors do you have for table covers?”
“Every color of the rainbow, red through purple.”
“Do you have gray?”
Where between red and purple does gray fall on the rainbow?  Did I miss that in our coverage of ROY G BIV in first grade?  Is that ‘G’ for Gray after all?

“Do you have availability for (some) weekend in October?”
“Saturday is completely booked, but I have some slots for Sunday.”
“Nahh, Sunday is football day.  There’s really nothing open on Saturday?”
“No, sir, it is completely booked.”
“Can you unbook one of them and slide me in there?  How much is that Unbook Them package?  Book the Unbook for me.”
Please accept your award for Most Awesome Thing Said on My Phone Ever at the conclusion of this call, sir.
“I can’t do that, but I can see when your team is playing so that Miss (daughter’s name) can have her party here.  Who should I look up for you?”
My boss saw me on NFL.com and raised her eyebrow, but when she heard me telling him, “your team is playing the seven o’clock game.  Party’s over by three.  Make chili in your crock pot and you’ll be set”, all was well.  I have an oddball approach to customer service, but I have a lot of repeat business because of it.

Booked him for Sunday.